Heartbeats Don't Lie
by starbuckfaerie21
Summary: A day at the hospital reminds Alex of the past. Joel tries to keep her grounded in the present.


Heartbeats Don't Lie

 **Disclaimer:** Sadly, I own neither _Saving Hope_ nor Daniel Gillies

 **Pairing:** Joel & Alex (Jalex)

 **Rating: T**

 **Summary:** A day at the hospital reminds Alex of the past. Joel tries to keep her grounded in the present.

Joel Goran was seated at the kitchen table eating dinner with his son and daughter when Alex walked in.

"Hey…" Joel began but before he could even get the words out, his wife's lips were on his, rendering him mute.

"Eww!" Luke shouted between bites of his macaroni and cheese while his four year old sister giggled, "I like it when Mommy and Daddy kiss."

"That's disgusting Charlotte," Her brother protested after he'd swallowed.

"Not it's not Luke. It means that Mommy and Daddy love each other." Charlotte replied, drinking milk out of her sippy cup.

When Alex pulled away Joel was the first to speak, "Your sister's right, Luke. If your Mommy and I had never kissed, you guys probably wouldn't be here."

 _Perish the thought._

 _He couldn't imagine never kissing Alex Reid._

 _Never making love to her._

 _Never marrying her._

 _Never becoming the father of her children._

 _Never watching her become the wonderful mother that she was in spite of her own difficult childhood._

"Well, hello to you, too, Doctor Reid." Joel said, smiling, "Are you feeling particularly randy this evening?"

When Alex caught her breath she whispered, "I'm sorry. I've just _needed_ to do that _all_ day."

"You _never_ have to apologize for kissing me like that. But the kids are still up."

Alex nodded, as she slipped out of her jacket and kissed both of the kids, "I know…Hi guys. Were you good for Daddy? Where's your brother?"

Luke mumbled a reply and Charlotte nodded because her mouth was full.

"Theo's fine." Joel reassured her," I gave him a bottle and changed him. He went straight down for the night. You want some dinner? There are plenty of kid approved leftovers?"

Alex shook her head, "No, thanks I'm not hungry. I'll go get these two ready for bed."

Joel nodded, "I'll clean up, then." He said, getting up from the table."

"Thank you, Joel." She said, kissing the mole behind his ear, making his breath catch in his throat as he whispered, "No, thank _you_ , Doctor Reid."

She laughed as she brushed past him heading upstairs, "I'll be back down in a few minutes." She said, turning her attention to the kids, "First one ready for bed gets an extra story."

Joel smiled as the kids took off up the stairs, "Nice one Reid." He called as she went upstairs.

 _When it came to parenting techniques, neither Joel nor Alex were above using bribery on occasion._

By the time Alex came back downstairs an hour later, Joel had already cleared the table and loaded and unloaded the dishwasher.

"Remind me never to use that one again. Luke made me read _Where The Wild Things Are_ twice." Alex said, sighing as she came back into the kitchen.

Joel laughed, "You mean he didn't even pick a different book?"

Alex shook her head as she pulled the rubber band from her long dark hair letting it fall in soft waves to her shoulders.

"How was your day?" Alex asked, coming up behind him and gently rubbing his neck and shoulders.

"It was great. I love being home with the kids." Joel replied, leaning back into her touch.

Alex nodded, "I know you do, Joel, baby. It's one of the things I love about you."

 _One of the many things she loved about him._

"I missed them so much today. The hospital was crazy."

"Well, tomorrow we get to trade places, Doctor Reid." He said, softly, "You want a glass of wine?"

He was reaching into the cabinet for a glass before she even answered, "Doctor Goran you know me well."

"Yes ma'am, I do." He replied, as he filled her glass with some of her favorite pinot noir. He placed his hand over hers as he passed her the glass.

"How was _your_ day?" He asked, brushing a kiss against her neck as she took a sip of wine.

"A woman lost her husband." Alex said her voice barely much more than a whisper.

Joel nodded, a look of understanding crossing his face, "Was he your patient?"

 _He was all too familiar with the feelings of inadequacy and sense of failure that came along with losing a patient._

Alex shook her head and took another sip, "No. But he died in an explosion. And it made me think of the day that Luke was born. And how close I came to losing you…"

Joel silenced her with a kiss, "But you didn't. You didn't lose me. I'm right here. Do you hear me, Alex Reid?"

She nodded, "Joel, I love you…"

"I love you, too." He whispered in her ear, "In fact, if you finish that glass of wine I'll take you upstairs and show you just how much."

The half empty wine glass was left forgotten on the kitchen table as she followed her husband upstairs to their bedroom.

After they made love, Alex fell asleep wrapped in Joel's arms.

 _She walked slowly down the hallway, heavily pregnant, exhausted and nervous about her upcoming boards._

 _But she couldn't help but smile as she caught sight of Joel._

 _He was a few steps ahead of her on his way to a trauma with Zack._

" _I feel like a parade float." She joked._

" _A beautiful parade float," He said, softly taking hold of her hand for a moment just before he turned and walked in the opposite direction._

" _Joel…"_

 _She wanted to say more but the first contraction stole her voice._

 _She looked off into the distance, hoping for a momentary distraction from the pain._

 _She squinted as she saw the flames._

 _Joel's back was turned as he walked into the fire._

" _Joel, please don't go…" She whispered, gripping his arm, trying in vain to pull him in the opposite direction._

 _Her vision was blurred by tears as she felt another contraction and fell to her knees._

 _Joel's voice echoed through the burning corridor even though he was nowhere in sight._

" _Reid…Reid…Reid…"_

"Reid...Reid…Reid"

She opened her eyes when she felt his fingers wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Joel?" She whispered, her voice shaking with uncertainty.

"Alex, I'm here. I'm right here, love." He replied, as she pressed her lips against his shoulder and tasted the salt of her own tears on his skin.

"It's all right," He whispered, stroking her hair as she pillowed her head on his chest, and fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

Alex Reid was a surgeon.

And she knew one thing with absolute certainty.

Heartbeats don't lie.

 _He's here._

 _Present._

 _Whole._

 _Warm._

 _Alive._

But long after her husband slept peacefully beside her, Alex Reid was haunted by the memory of what could've been.


End file.
